KINDNESS: Is it only Exclusive for Others?
Since we were in kindergarten, we are taught to be respectful and nice to others. We are told, politeness and kindness is the most beautiful thing we can show to anyone, despite their age, gender, and class.
Kindness is an act of Love and rightly so we want to give a helping hand to those in need, a shoulder to cry on to our friends. We have been there through ups and downs of our loved ones.
But how many of us have been taught building self-compassion?
Why aren’t We Compassionate to Ourselves?
I believe only few to none are taught self-compassion meaning and I am positive because I also belong to the majority, who have been taught to be kind to everyone but myself! Self compassion was a foreign word to me for most of my life.
I have also been taught, I am bad if I insist on watching tv past bedtime. I am told, ‘how can you not remember the periodic table, are you dumb?’
From the first step I took and till now, everyday, I have been told what is wrong with me! Not by one or two people but almost everyone keeps reminding something that is off within me.
And I keep believing them because I believed in the people and not in myself, after all, I have started to feel the same way a long time back. Isn’t it that you are only brutally honest with the one you love and if I won’t be honest with myself, how else will I grow?
Is Self-Criticism a Synonym of Discipline?
Our self-esteem is so low that we believe every negative thing we hear about ourselves, whether from ourselves or others. Most of us firmly believe that discipline only comes with strictness, that we have to be in a do or die mindset to achieve something in life. But is that the attitude you really need to be successful?
Yes, I do believe and agree, you want to be decisive and passionate. You do want to develop the never giving up mindset leading to a go-getter attitude but can you have that mindset with the rigidness of self-criticism?
Is that right? Is it the way for self growth? If we keep pointing out flaws in us, would it help us to eliminate them and lead a happy and fulfilling life?
I strongly disagree with it. In my understanding, self-criticism without compassion turns out to be a little cruel in nature and does us no good but only hurts our self-esteem. And low self-esteem surely does not lead us to self-discipline.
Role of Kindness in Self-Discipline
When you are kinder to yourself while making a mistake, you are more likely to be brave in the face of failure.
We all know, one way or another, failure is inevitable. Even when you have everything, a day can be harder than a lifetime of struggle. But if you tell yourself, ‘oh, I am useless. How can I let that happen to me?’.
This sort of negative self-talk will only lead you to resistance towards change and hence, growth. Leading you farther away from discipline.
If you are kind to yourself, even in the face of the biggest mistake you have ever made, that will lead you to forgive yourself and build your confidence and self-esteem. Helping you develop more resilience and supporting yourself to give a better and smart try again despite the fear. Leading you to long term discipline and a healthy go-getter attitude.
Can Self-Kindness be Empowering?
Yes, I strongly believe self-compassion and self-kindness is empowering and I am not saying that because I watched it in a movie or read it in a book.
I firmly say that because I experience it myself.
From the beginning of this year, I started to practice self-compassion. I decided, I have had enough and I want to bring changes in myself. I don’t want to dislike myself any more and slowly but gradually I started to be kinder to myself and I started to forgive myself for any mistakes I made and eventually life became a little easier without changing any other aspect of my life.
When I started to become kinder to myself, I noticed a change, a drastic change. I started to build self-respect and that resulted in not letting others cross my boundaries, drawing the line when they disrespected me. Something I could never do before.
Yes, Kindness has empowered me more and more in less than a year. And if it is empowering to me, why can't it be empowering to you? You can only find out if you try.
After all, Kindness is an act of love and Self-Kindness is an act of Self-Love.
Is it Truly Possible to be Kind to Yourself?
Yes, it is possible. It is important to keep in mind each one of us experiences kindness and love differently and our journey to self-love and healing is also unique. I can assure you one thing, if you start practicing self-forgiveness and self kindness, you will start to view yourself and the world differently.
You may feel a little resistance when you try at first because it is unfamiliar and totally opposite of what you may have been practicing but I promise with the end of each try, practicing self compassion will start to become easier and soon it will become part of your true nature to be kind to yourself.
Only when you decide, self-criticism is doing more harm than good. The sooner, you will discard the practice that is not serving your best interest.
Only if you commit to the growth and betterment of yourself, you will see Kindness is the best medicine for building self-esteem and discipline.
In the next blog, I will bring light to small steps to take and positive affirmations to say that can help you in transformation, the same that helped me become kinder to myself.
Meanwhile, let me know your journey or your thoughts on self-love and self-kindness, can’t wait to read them and get to know you!!
